Conflicting Emotions...

Today has been an emotional day.  As we’ve grown closer to the nannies, and as we grow closer to our babies, conflicting emotions are starting to sprout. 

Today I was in the twins’ room with Desta, their favorite nanny.  She was changing Eliana’s diaper (don’t worry, I do it too!  She’s just a LOT faster than me!), and then she asked me when we were taking Alex & Eliana.  She said, “One month?  Two month?”  I said, “No, in a few days.  We aren’t leaving Ethiopia for maybe another month or so, but the babies will leave the orphanage in a few days.”  With that she suddenly looked down at the ground, put her hands over her eyes, and then just left Eliana laying there, and left the room.  She was crying.  Then I started to cry.  It was awful. 

This 20 year old girl has watched over our little ones for the last 6 months, day and night.  She never stops playing with them.  She loves them so much.  And at this point, I’m pretty sure they love her more than anyone else (including wes and i).  When she comes into the room, their eyes light up, and big smiles spread across their faces.  In some ways, it is difficult to watch this on a daily basis.  I want so badly to be the one that makes them light up.  But at the same time I am so very grateful that they have been so cared for and loved throughout their time at the orphanage.  I can almost feel the ache she must be feeling, knowing that soon these children will no longer be a part of her daily life.

Beautiful Desta.  Alex & Eliana's favorite nanny.

As soon as Desta walked back into the room (after wiping away her tears), it was my turn to make an exit.  Tears were coming fast and furiously.  I walked out into the courtyard where Wes was sitting and chatting with another adoptive father (and our new friend!  We love you Kevin and Christina!).  I sat down on the bench next to him, pulled my glasses off,  and just started bawling.  I told him what had happened, and how I didn’t know how I was going to be able to take Alex & Eliana away from the people who have loved them so much every day for first several months of their lives.   It’s not that I don’t want to have them with me.  I’m so excited to have them with us 24/7.  It just hurts so much at the same time.  Does that make sense?

We weren’t sitting far from the manager’s office, and all of a sudden I hear, “Nina?  Nina?”  He walked out and wanted to know why I was so upset.  I think he was worried somebody had done something to me, or had upset me in some way.  I explained to him why I was crying, and he immediately understood.  He said that they loved the children so much, and that it was hard when they had to say goodbye.

Yeah, I love this place.  I love this journey.  But no matter how many times I have seen the gotcha day videos, or read blogs about these kinds of experiences, there is nothing that can prepare you for the gamut of emotions you will feel once it is your turn to experience it.  It is beautiful.  It is hard.  It is joyful.  It is painful.  But it is all so so worth it.

p.s.  Our case has been delayed once again.  This time only four more days.  It’s just how it goes here in Ethiopia sometimes.  There’s no point in freaking out about it.  If you do that, you’ll not only make yourself depressed, but you’ll make others depressed too.  I definitely don’t want to do that.  So with that said, we are doing really well, all things considered.  All you can do is go with the flow, and than ask God what He wants to teach you in the meanwhile.  There is so much to learn!

p.s.s.  For those of you with children at our orphanage, you may have heard that they are closing this location soon.  BUT…..let me reiterate that this will NOT affect any adoptions.  It is simply a budgetary thing, and has nothing to do with their license or anything else. All is well, and your babies are ALL well cared for.  They will simply be in a new location close by.  With all that said, and the main thing I ask prayer for is that the staff get to keep their jobs.  The children are fine!  ☺