So today I received our new instruction booklet for our Ethiopian Dossier. Yay (she says sarcastically and unenthusiastically, with a sigh). Yeah, I have to order new birth certificates (I had ordered extras for our Nepal dossier, but apparently those decided to disappear), get new blood tests, new references, and a new burst of energy (among other things). I thought I might be overwhelmed by all this, but I think I'm okay. Somehow, this dossier doesn't seem nearly as daunting as I thought it would be. Yes, it can get a little annoying at times. For instance, I can't tell you how flustered some notaries get when I tell them that they have to write out the entire date (i.e. March 15, 2010 instead of 3/15/10), or that I need their commission expiration to be at least 14-18 months out. And now I'm going to have to tell everyone that everything has to be written in BLUE ink. So now I will have to go through the explanations all over again, and inevitably, someone will write something incorrectly, or use the wrong ink color, and then I will have to have it redone. But so goes the international adoption train. Everyone says that this ride is really hard, but when you first start, you hope that you might be the exception to the rule. It's kind of like when you are a freshman in college. You feel like you know everything, but after a couple of years, you realize you know very little. Now that we've been on this bumpy ride for a while, we realize that is is really really hard. Not much easy about it. But everyone says it's worth it, so I'm going to focus on that.
The picture I attached to this post makes me chuckle. I mean, do they really have to put a picture of a guy stressed out by paperwork on the front cover of our dossier guidelines? We already know it's stressful. Couldn't they have just put a nice restful beach scene on there? Something that will increase our serenity and not our stress. Ah, the irony of it all....
I also wanted to say thank you to all of you who commented on last Friday's blog.
It was really encouraging to have people support our decision, because it was such a difficult decision to make. I struggled with a little bit of guilt as we made the switch, but now I am truly getting more and more excited to bring little Liam or Eliana home (those are some of the names we are working on right now....well, those are names we've had for a long time...we'll see if we use them). Thank you all for your continual love and support. It truly means SO much.
(And for those of you who have gone private on your blogs, would you mind sending me an invitation? I would LOVE to keep up with everyone on Nepal route also. )
Everyone is waiting. All of us who are in the Nepal adoption process are waiting. I keep checking the 15 or so Nepal adoption blogs to see if any movements are being made in Nepal, but it seems like a blogger's drought out there. No posts in the last 2 or 3 weeks. The only thing people have mentioned is the U.S. Department of State's statement to families adopting from Nepal. You can read their statementHERE.This statement basically encourages families to consider changing countries "due to grave concerns about the reliability of Nepal’s adoption system and the accuracy of the information in children’s official files." Ironically, we received this statement the day after Wes had spoken with our agency, and they assured us again that they felt everything was fine with the Nepal adoption process. Of course, that was hours before the U.S. issued that statement. That very night (after we received notice of the concerns about the Nepal program), we stayed up until about 2:30 in the morning, talking about everything. We discussed all of our options, our fears, concerns...everything. And that is pretty much how the rest of the week has been also. Should we change programs? If we DO change programs, would we be acting out of fear? Is it just because the grass always seems greener on the other side? What do we do?!
Well, we have come to a decision, but it has not been any easy one. I have said all along that I do not want circumstances to dictate God's leading in our lives. Just because there are concerns and issues with the adoption process in Nepal, does not mean that God can't work miracles, and bring children home to their forever families. But at the same time, I realize that I don't have to be a superhero and stick everything out until the bitter end. I have struggled with the idea of switching countries, because I didn't want the switch to be born out of fear of circumstances in Nepal. Well, after a lot of prayer, hours upon hours of taking every thought captive, and numerous conversations with our agency, we have decided to change programs to Ethiopia.
I know this may come as a surprise to many, but we feel that God has given us the go ahead. One of the things that really solidified it for me, was Wes. Before we decided to adopt at all, Wes had it in his head that we had to have a biological child first. He was waiting for God to create a miracle of pregnancy, and then after that first child, we would adopt. Well, God really changed his heart at one point, and Wes realized that there was no reason that a biological child had to come first, and that is when we got started on the track to adopt. In the same way, he said he he had it in his head that we had to adopt from Nepal first. But he quickly realized, that this was not the case. We have been saying all along that we would adopt from Ethiopia after Nepal. Well, it looks like Ethiopia will come first, and perhaps Nepal will be second.
I have debated with myself over and over again about whether or not I should write this post right now, mainly because I know there are other families adopting from Nepal that read this blog. I DON'T want our changing programs to be a stumbling block for anyone else. I don't want it to discourage anyone else in adopting from Nepal, or continuing their process to adopt from Nepal. In writing all this, I am not saying that I believe the Nepal program will fail. I only desire to be open about what we are going through personally.
Wes and I are both 32 years old. Over the last 5 years, we have tried to bring children into our home in every way possible. It seems with every method we have tried, we have hit a road block. I don't know why, but that is the way it has been. It has been frustrating, to say the least, and very painful at times. But we still move forward. We still press on.
And as we start the process with Ethiopia, we know that it carries it's own load of possible obstacles. Yesterday, the very day we made the decision to switch countries, we found out that Ethiopia is almost certainly going to make families make two trips now, instead of the one. This means a lot more money, possibly more time, and it also means that we would have to leave our son or daughter in Ethiopia for several more months, after we have already met him or her. I can't even imagine how painful that would be! And believe, me, it just felt like our desire to adopt a child (from ANYwhere) was laughing in my face yesterday. I mean, seriously....could this process BE any more difficult. The irony of it all is beyond me.
But, I continue to trust that God's plans for us are good. I continue to trust in His love for us. Even though everything around me seems to say, "Quit trying to be parents!", we continue to fight for what the devil doesn't want: To see an orphan be an orphan no more, and to see two childless individuals be childless no more. God's heart for adoption is clear, and no enemy can destroy that, no matter how hard they may try.
So pray for us as we make this transition. I feel scared, nervous, and excited all at the same time. I literally know hardly anything about Ethiopia, except for what I have read over the last few days. So now Wes and I have to learn all over again. Our hearts are being steered in a different direction, but with the same goal. Pray that we would not be dismayed, but only encouraged by a Father who loves us without condition, and knows what's best for His children.
And I leave a video of and Ethiopian Gotcha Day for your viewing enjoyment. These always make me cry.
Yes, that's me making a cheesy excited smile, almost on the verge of looking a little scary. Thank you, UPS guy, for taking the picture!
"It has been determined that you are able to furnish proper care to an orphan(s) as defined in Section 101 (B) (1) (F) of the Immigration and Nationality Act."
Basically, we've been approved! Yup....our dossier is FINALLY complete. This just means that our agency can finally send our dossier to Nepal.
At this point there is no definite time frame for the 2010 families. Even though our dossier may go to Nepal, it's difficult to know when it will be processed. Nepal is hoping to start processing 2010 applications in April, but I don't place my trust in that completely, because things are changing all the time. I can only trust that God has got this, and we have NO control over what happens.
Even now there have been several countries that are closing their adoptions to Nepal, because of unstubstantiated rumors about children being adopted out that are not truly orphans (they have one or both parents). Nepal has gone to great lengths to make the process of defining an orphan in their country a very rigorous one. Witnesses are required to prove orphan status, and investigations are made to further prove a child in an orphanage does not have parents. They continue to follow the legislation as best as they can, but there are international groups out there who are trying to close adoption down in Nepal. Personally, this makes me so stinkin' mad, because more than anything else, these children need permanent and loving homes. Even in the United States, we are constantly trying to shorten a child's length of time in the foster care system, but red tape a seemingly million other factors continue to impede the speed at which a child is given a permanent home. At what point do we say, "Enough is enough!" ? We live in a fallen world. Corruption and deceit is prevalent wherever you go. No country has it perfect. And no matter how strict the legislation, there will be always someone trying to break the rules. How long will we allow our fear of corruption trump the need of child for a permanent home?
So anyways, thankfully God is bigger than all this. But continue to pray for the children in Nepal who long for and need a permanent home. Continue to pray for the government of Nepal, that they will be able to proceed with adoptions, despite outside pressure to shut down.
There are some 147 million orphans across the globe. God says that true religion is to care for the widows and orphans. So that's why I can't sit on my butt and pray someone else takes care of them. That true religion is not just for some of us...it's for all of us. I'm scared to death, too, but I'm excited at the same time. The child God has for us is going to be one seriously amazing child!
Back in September, we started the adoption journey. We applied, were accepted into the 2010 Nepal program, and we were excited. We heard stories and read blogs about how difficult and trying the process of international adoption can be. And despite all that, for the most part I have kept a very level head. You could even say I've kept an extremely positive level head. I want to be strong. I don't don't want my faith to be shaken. I want every day to be a day that I tell God I trust Him with this process. I want this blog to be a place where people who are going through the same process, can find encouragement and joy. I still want that.
But at the same time, I don't want anyone who reads this blog, or any friend who is walking through all of this with us, to think for one second that this hasn't been truly difficult. It has only been four months (just a moment of time in the adoption world), and I am already having days where I crumble under the waiting. This past Saturday, when I laid down to go to sleep, I cried and cried. I asked God why it has to be so hard for us. I asked Him why it had to take so long. I didn't hear an answer. I could only lay there with the knowledge that He has already given to me; that He has everything under control, and that I don't need to worry. Of course, as a mere mortal, I can carry that knowledge in my heart every day, and even find great amounts of joy and comfort in that knowledge, but impatience and longing sometimes get the best of me. For one year, we tried to get pregnant. In year two, we believed for a miracle (since Wes's cancer had erased all medical hope of pregnancy). In year three, we went through the foster to adopt program through the State. Due to staff shortage and a complete lack of organization on their part, we didn't get approved until a year later, and at that point we had already started the process to adopt from Nepal. Which brings us to year four. Here we are, waiting for documents from the American government to be approved. Here we are waiting and wondering when Nepal will process our application once it has been sent over there. Here we are wondering if we will have our first child before I turn 33 (in January of 2011). There is so much uncertainty. There is no guarantee that we will have a baby within a year, which is the estimated amount of time they expect it to take to adopt from Nepal. There is no guarantee, that even after we have paid the estimated $23,000 it takes to adopt a child from Nepal, we will even get a child. Everyone in this process is warned that there are those slight possibilities that a program can close in the midst of your process, and you can lose all the money you've put into it. These are all possibilities. I've met people who have gone through this very thing. These are all the risks we take in order to increase our family, and give a new life to a child with no family.
Is it all worth it? Yes. I believe it is. Was Isaac worth the wait? I think his parents thought so, and I know I'm thankful that God fulfilled that promise to Abraham and Sarah. How could I not be thankful?
So even in the midst of the heartache, I know it is all worth it. And I know I am not alone. There are so many others who have waited longer, and gone through much more than Wes and I could imagine. I know that full well.
In my weakness on Saturday, I reached out for counsel from another mother who has already adopted from Nepal, and is going through the process once again. She is one of many who understand how hard this process can be. She said, "I know it hurts (now), but it will melt away once you hold your child." She is so right. It hurts a lot right now, but that will seem like nothing compared to the joy we feel the day we are joined with our son and/or daughter. What will that day be like? What will it feel like to become mother in an instant? What will it be like to see their beautiful eyes looking back into mine? I can only imagine. And after all is said and done, and our baby has come home....every moment of uncertainty....every year of waiting....every dollar laid down...every tear of heartache shed....it will all have been worth it.
