Saturday, January 30, 2010

A word from the would be father, Wes.

  This has been a tough five years.  Our pursuit for children has taken us down the road of infertility and cancer; both are stealers of life and joy; Fear and Misery 2 and Wes and Nina 0.
   We have overcome the cancer; in two years i will be given a clean bill of health, 1 down 1 to go.  But I would like to clarify that I only had cancer (that I was aware of) for about 4 days.  I  found out on a Friday and on Monday it was gone; that was a relief, knowing that the 4 cm of death were eradicated.  The infertility still remains.
  That leaves us in a difficult situation as I have always wanted to be father since I was very young.  Though the cancer actually eased the pain of infertility because being sterile was not my fault, I still felt cut off from my future fatherhood.  I knew that adoption was an option but I wanted have my own child, flesh of my flesh, my offspring; a child that would carry the Mullins' gene so that the linage would remain.   (My cousin and I are the only children in this branch of the Mullins', if we don't have children then that line stops.)  I became really uncertain of my future and my heritage, when my father had passed away earlier in the spring that same year; I felt really alone and disconnected to life.  Adoption to me was just a substitute.
   It wasn't that I wouldn't love the child as my own.  I have plenty of kids that I have grown attached to over the years and I have a paternal instinct, but the thoughts of a child that looked like me or my wife and had my characteristics and mannerisms innate in it's dna was intoxicating.  Those thoughts kept me from embracing the idea of adoption, but the Lord changed my heart on that.  We, as gentile Christians have been adopted and grafted into the vine and we share the same reward and blessings as Abraham's children.  Our Nepali children will be no different as they will inherit all the benefits of being a Mullins.
  I have felt that we are supposed to adopt from Nepal and that this will be the first of many?!  (I have no idea how many we will parent, we will stop when he tells us to.)   I still believe for Nina and I to have children naturally but I know that the Lord has a child out there for us, a child that needs us, and child that he wants to bring to us.
  The thing about Children of promise is that they always come right on time, but that is not always when we think they should.  Isaac didn't come for Abraham until he was over 100 years old; if he comes sooner then the generational timeline for the birth of Jesus wouldn't have through that seed.  Isaac had to come when God had ordained.  John the baptist came in his appointed season.  We all are on earth for our appointed season.
                    Romans 9:8-9, "[...] but the children of the promise are counted in the seed. (9) for this is the                word of promise, at this time I come and Sara shall have a son."
    I am very excited that we are going to have a child, but my emotions are not very apparent.  I think that i have been guarding my heart.  I have wanted to be a father for such a very long time, and now that it grows closer I feel like it could actually happen.  Our lives are going to be forever changed and hopefully we can offer the same for that Nepali child.
  I am not concerned with the gender of the child but in my heart I would like a boy.  I know that Nina wants a girl, but I will be very happy with any child that God allows us to help raise up.  Even when we will have our own natural children it will be exactly the same; we will be happy to help raise them up as God allows it.  I know the Lord has very special children for our future, even if he never allows Nina and I to conceive, I will forever Trust His justice, judgement, and his Grace.  We are here for such a short time there is no reason to create bitterness upon grounds that we can not control nor change the outcome, especially with a reservoir of unforgiveness toward the Creator of the World.  His nature is to create and re-create, and He is Love, He is Truth, He is Life; He can not be unfair or unjust, nor can he be anything less than God.  The only that can changes is my attitude towards him and if i am walking in true intimacy with Christ by the guiding of the Holy Spirit, then His perfect will will be unveiled in His timing and it cannot bring less than His Joy; THE JOY of the LORD is My Strength (Neh 8:10).  Remember that it is His Joy that is your strength; His joy is eternally joyful.  Barrenness doesn't have to be a burden or a plight from where we draw out our identities...we must find our identity in Christ and have validation through Him, not through our sufferings.  Romans 8:18, "For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the Glory which shall be revealed "IN US!!!"
  I want to say how much I love my wife and the woman that she is.  We've grow so much over the Adoption process, our communication has increased, and we are so much in love.  We stand united in Love with open arms for the Children that God will bless to come under our care and into our hearts.  We will love them because He first loved us.  I John 4:19, "We love because he has first loved us!"

a follower of Christ,

Monday, January 11, 2010

So What's New with the Adoption?

Haha.  That's not really meant to be a title, but an example of the exact question Wes and I are asked nearly every day.  It's funny, because when you start the adoption process, they really want to prepare you for the questions and comments you will be hearing throughout the adoption process, and once the child is in your home.  Really, the only question we get these days is at the top of this blog:  "What's new with the adoption?"  I really can't fault people for asking this question, because it is one I would ask if I were not the one adopting.  Yes, of course it gets old after awhile, but I can't lash out at people for asking something because they really just want to know how you are doing.  Once upon a time, I worked for the airlines, and every day (several times a day), someone would come up to me and ask me if this was the Northwest counter.  It didn't matter that directly behind me there was a giant three-dimensional sign that said Continental.  It didn't matter that directly to my right, three feet away,  there was a counter with Northwest employees and an equally giant sign that said Northwest.  They were genuine in their question (and it IS a well known fact that people check their brains at the door when they enter an much stress comes with air travel!), so in turn, I had to be genuine in my response.  And I pointed to the right of me, smiled, and said, "No, sir.  Northwest is right over there."  Even though it was the millionth time I had told someone that exact thing, and part of me wanted to roll my eyes and say, "Hey buddy can you READ?!", I knew they weren't trying to be annoying or ignorant.  They were just in a hurry, weren't really paying attention, and just needed someone to be kind to them, because for them, it was the FIRST time they had asked that question.  So you're probably wondering why I told that boring story, and begging me to get to the point, which I really already did, but felt like going down memory lane for a moment....  My point is, I'm glad people care enough to ask.   Even though I tell people I will send out an update when we have one, people still ask, and I still have to tell people that we are just waiting.  It's okay.

Having said all that, I have an update.  Bahaha.  If you got this far in the post, then I know you REALLY care.  :)  I spoke with the coordinator from the Nepal program today at our adoption agency.  At this time, Nepal has ceased accepting applications/dossiers for adoption.  They currently have around 400 dossiers to sort through and match children with from across the globe.  Apparently the staff at the Ministry of Women, Children, and Social Welfare (the part of the Nepali government that processes adoptions) are fairly new, and they are also in a learning curve as they are trying to get children home to their adoptive families.  Until they can get things sorted out (for lack of a better way of saying it), they will not accept any more applications for adoption.  No, this does not mean they have closed adoptions in Nepal.  Many feel this is a positive, even though it doesn't sound like it.  What this means is that Nepal will not be receiving any money for adoptions with this cessation.  It also means that many agencies may not be giving the $5000 donations to the orphanages, until processing begins again.  This probably means that the orphanages will be putting pressure on the Ministry to get adoptions processed because they are not receiving the usual income needed to run their facilities.  All in all, there is going to be a definite deficit in their funding.  We are hoping this will cause the pace to quicken in their processing of adoptions, which in turn will quicken the chance for dossiers to be submitted to the Nepali government, which in turn will bring many children without parents into a loving home.  Does that make sense?  Anyways, once we receive our approval to adopt from the government (which should be in the next few weeks or so), we are going to go ahead and send our dossier to Nepal, and let the dossier sit in the hands of our Nepali contact over there.  And once they started receiving new applications again, we will hand that dossier over.

Our hearts are not disappointed.  Are faith does not grow faint.  Our hope continues to be great, and our trust in a sovereign God even greater.  No, I am no superhero in the faith.  I have my down days, and days where I wonder why it has to be so stinkin' hard to bring a baby into our home.  But I know that in the end, so much of this will make sense.  And I have to believe that God has our best interests at heart.  I recently found out that my brother and sister-in-law are adopting two children from Ethiopia.  I am SO excited!  So many children need parents!  And now my family is getting more and more international, and grabbing a hold of God's heart for orphans.  It's awesome!  But I would be lying if I said I didn't feel a little jealous at times.  Ethiopia seems like a pretty stable program, and babies seem to be flying home to their parents every day.  With Nepal it seems like a snail's pace of a program, with no guarantees.  But I continue to believe this is where God has led us, and until He tells us differently, Nepal is where we are headed.  Could that change?  If God wants to change it....yes.  So we are just trying to go with the flow, wherever that flow may take us.  But right now, I am assuming our little boy or girl is somewhere in Nepal, in some mother's womb, or newly brought in to an orphanage.  Only God knows, but that is enough to make my heart content.  What good will worrying do us?  That will add nothing to our joy or our trust in the One who has even made this all possible.

So that is just what I have to keep telling myself, and THAT is what's new with the adoption.