Thursday, June 24, 2010
So inevitably, after my post about encouragement and support, comes a post about discouragement and tears. Well, it's probably not that drastic, but the sentence structure was nice. Honestly, yesterday was quite the crappy day for me. I woke up just feeling in the pits. I sat at my computer, working on an engagement photo book, and my heart was just weeping. Yes, you will hear the same tale of woe from almost every adoptive mother-to-be.
In literature and even in movies, there are often inanimate or intangible things that seem to become a character in the story, and play an active role in the life of that story. Many of you have seen Castaway with Tom Hanks, and you will remember his buddy Wilson. Yup....that bloodied volleyball that became his best friend while he was on the deserted island. I remember toward the end of the movie when Hanks' character attempts to sail away from the island, and when a storm destroys his raft, he loses Wilson. I cried when he lost that stupid volleyball. It had become a part of the story, and a part of his life. When he mourned the loss of Wilson, so did I.
I think one of the main characters in anyone's adoption story is the wait. It seems to take on a life of its own, and we never know what to expect from one day to the next. Nine months ago, when we started the process to adopt internationally (i'll leave out the year we tried to get pregnant, and then the discovery of cancer, and then the year we tried to adopt through the State), the wait seemed so bearable. I felt ready for it, and I was excited. I knew it might take a long time, but I felt strong. Fast forward nine months, and from time to time I have days like I had yesterday. My heart ached, and I longed for the wait to end. I felt exhausted by it, and tortured. I cried and just wanted Jesus to wrap me up and hold me tight. The wait takes many forms, and at times is the greatest protagonist....the good guy....for we know that we wait for a reason, and at the end of the wait there is the greatest gift: a child. Of course, it often feels like the antagonist of our adoption story too, because it is the one thing keeping us from the very thing it seems to promise us: a child.
So at the end of the day, you accept that every once in a while, the antagonist wins. But for the majority of our days, we realize that the protagonist is ever more popular and much more enjoyable to spend time with. So today I will try to embrace the wait with the strength that is being renewed within me, because I love it when the good guy wins.
Posted by Nina & Wes at 11:02 AM