Monday, January 24, 2011

Another Day, Another Birr...

Another day has passed here in Addis, and not much has changed.

I would be lying if I said that I didn’t feel a little bit discouraged today. Sometimes you just have these days, and I guess today is one of those days for me.

Today I am just struggling with all the unknowns and all the waiting. Yuck. Going to the orphanage to see our children each day is a blessing and a curse all in one. It’s a blessing because we get to spend time with our babies. There is nothing sweeter than that. Seriously. It is awesome. It’s a curse because we have to say goodbye after 3 hours.

I want to be a super trusting and patient Jesus freak girl 24/7, but every once in awhile I cave. Today I ached knowing how much more time we have to spend going on daily visitation to see our own children. We are confused by the whole process of court here, but I think everyone is in the same boat. You wonder to yourself, “Why does it take so long to get notes finished, while other people are passing court while we wait?” Yeah, it kind of sucks. And then they say it could take forever to get an embassy date. Yuck again. I wonder sometimes if anyone is fighting for us, because you feel so out of the loop. But at the same time, I have met the people here with our agency, and I know they are doing their very best. I know they care. It’s just so hard to really feel that, when your babies aren’t living with you, and sitting in your arms. Your mind tells you the truth, but your heart still aches.

That carries over to my next thought. If God is for us, who can stand against us? Deep down, where the foundations of my faith burns bright, I know that God has brought us this far. I know that it is because of Him that we are here. When I worry about how much time it will take, and if we will have enough money to make it, and if Wes will be able to stay the entire time (he only gets 12 weeks of unpaid leave, and we were hoping to spend some of that at home in Kentucky…we really don’t want to use all 12 weeks), I can’t help but come back to this one thought: He knows our needs.

He has known our needs all along. He is our provider. We are fully funded for goodness sake! How could I doubt that He won’t take care of things now? I feel ashamed for doubting Him on this issue. But sometimes my flesh just gets the best of me. And the enemy tries to come in and steal away my peace. Yuck.

And yet, my mind knows that He is a God of miracles. He can do anything He pleases. He could get those notes from MOWA in a heartbeat. He could give us an embassy date tomorrow if He wanted to. He is capable of anything.

In the meantime, I wonder what He has for us while we are here. I wonder what He is saying. I wonder what He wants to teach us. I don’t want to miss Him. I want my ears to be open when He speaks.

Months from now I will be telling more about all the miraculous things that happened throughout this adoption. Right now, I just need to have a good night’s sleep, so I can wake up to a new day, full of peace, and the heart knowledge that God will never fail me….because it’s true.


  1. Hi friend. Even though you are a few weeks ahead of us, your words resonate with the thoughts and feelings that have been swimming around in my head and heart as we anticipate the court and embassy processes. I empathize with each and every thing you wrote; and I want to just affirm that it is okay to ask these questions, to struggle, to wonder, to sway between fear and faith. I know you know that God IS for you, with you, hemming you in on all sides. With that as your anchor, you don't have to have it all together every second of each day. Give yourself grace to stand in the tension, to cry and laugh, to hope and to worry in the same day; because God is doing a beautiful thing in you as you honestly walk with him through this journey. love you. See you soon. praying for good news this very week.

  2. I'm praying for you! I have a friend over there right now too that either did not pass court or did not get to go to court as scheduled last night - do not know details yet. So know you are not alone. I will pray that you will hear news soon and be able to get your babies home ASAP!!!!

  3. I would like to just say, "Ditto to what BEX said." :) Praying with you guys!

  4. Praying for rest for you tonight. I know I'm having a hard time turning my mind off so I'm sure you are too... I have had the exact same thoughts... Happy for those who have passed court but so frustrated that people are passing while our paperwork just sits. Praying, friend.

  5. We are praying hard for you guys. I know it must be really rough not knowing when everything will happen. God bless!