7 Months Waiting...

Yes, today marks seven months since we started this international adoption journey.  Since then we have changed country programs from Nepal to Ethiopia, and we have completed two dossiers.  It took me about 9 days to complete the first one, and then about 3 weeks to complete the second (I get a little dossier obsessed, so it's better to get it done quickly).  God spoke to our hearts and said that the thousands upon thousands of dollars we would need to do this (adopt that is), was nothing to Him.  It wasn't difficult for Him, so He told us not to worry.  We have seen the generosity of God's people overflow into our lives.  We have seen $5,000 checks from someone we barely knew, arrive in the mail.  People have taken what little they have, and have bought hats and t-shirts to help bring our baby home.  I can't count the times I have cried throughout these seven months.  Even now, as I sit here and write this, the tears our flowing, because I am swept away by the love of God.  I am swept away by the love of God that flows through His people.  In the moments when you feel like the Body of Christ has forgotten what it means to pour into the Kingdom, a woman you barely know, with tears in her eyes, might tell you that she wants to direct her tithe toward bringing your baby home.  Speechless.  I have to fight the guilt I feel at times, because I feel like such an undeserving child.  It feels like God's kindness and generosity never stop coming, and I want to make up for all He has done and is doing for us.  But it's impossible.  I know I can't make up for it.  It is His sweet and glorious grace that saved my life, and again it is His amazing love and grace that continually flood my very being in this day, as He makes a way to increase our family.  And none of this because I have earned it.  Oh how my Father seems to love to lavish His love upon us!


This week God has really ministered to my heart with Steven Curtis Chapman's song, Heaven is the Face.  Even though it was born out of the loss of his adopted daughter, I find so much hope in this song.  No matter how many times I hear it, when he starts singing the bridge, I just want to shout at the top of my lungs, because the promise of God's glory and promises fulfilled are beyond compare!

"But in my mind’s eye I can see a place
Where Your glory fills every empty space.
All the cancer is gone,
Every mouth is fed,
And there’s no one left in the orphans’ bed.
Every lonely heart finds their one true love,
And there’s no more goodbye,
And no more not enough,
And there’s no more enemy."

What an amazing picture of Heaven!  What an amazing picture of God's heart, and how He always intended it to be.

When we started this process of adoption, I pondered so many things.  I thought about the changes that a child would bring to our lives.  I thought about the difference our child would make in the lives of others one day.  But it seemed that my heart still lacked the depth of understanding of God's heart for adoption.  And when I say this, I am still so far behind in this lesson of true and pure religion.  But an understanding, none-the-less, is beginning to bud.  In this past month, as we have moved forward with our adoption from Ethiopia, I have noticed a change of heart in my own self.  I have noticed the righteous anger that begins to boil up when people speak so flippantly about the lives of the fatherless.  I have been overwhelmed by the compassion I am beginning to feel for these children, greater than I have ever felt before.  It feels like somewhat of an awakening.  It is good and fulfilling, but scary at the same time, because I know with great knowledge comes greater responsibility.  Our lives will never be the same again.  

And even though Wes may not always speak up as much about our journey (yes, I know.  i am the chatty one!), I know his heart and mind are continually being stirred.  I teared up and laughed all in the same breath yesterday as he played a short recording of a spontaneous song he sang when he was home alone.  I laughed because he said his voice was all over the place, and as I listened, I learned he was right.  lol  I teared up because he was singing about meeting our baby for the first time.  Over and over again he sang, "We're comin' to get you.  We're comin' to get you.  Gotcha day here we come."  Gotcha day....I can't even imagine what that day will be like.  Will our baby be smiling and cooing?  Or will they be screaming at the pasty white stranger that is holding them?  I laugh when I think about it, because I know it will be a beautiful moment no matter what, but I also realize that it may not be as romantic as I hope.  But, come what may, they will be ours and we will be theirs.  That's something to get excited about.  

Seven months have passed, but Gotcha day is comin' soon....